Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
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