I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
