we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Randomize
