Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
Randomize
