Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
