I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Randomize
