how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
Randomize
