She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
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