Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize