Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
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