Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
birth control should be required to get into college
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
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