So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Randomize
