Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
I wish I only lived at night.
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
