I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
