i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
We need a shit load of segways right now
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
Randomize
