So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
