can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
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