Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
where does the pee come out of this thing
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
