i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
