think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
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