I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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