the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Drunk is a universal language darling
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