im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
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