Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
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we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
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