We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
