I wanna bring you to show and tell
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Randomize
