so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
