There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
Randomize
