So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
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