im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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