you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Randomize
