I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
