well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Randomize
