We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
