I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
Randomize
