I don't usually arrange sex via text message
I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
Randomize
