Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
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