I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
Randomize
