just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
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