I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
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