YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
she told me i tasted like america
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize
