I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
My ATM looks so different sober.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.