where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
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thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
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The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.