I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.