Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?