I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Randomize
