New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Randomize
