I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
Randomize
