Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
Randomize
