This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
