WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
I don't usually arrange sex via text message
he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
Who died my cat blue again?
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
