I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
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