so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
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