put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
