u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
