Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
