Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
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