i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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