His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Randomize