It's Friday. Sex?
At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
Randomize
