nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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