I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
