it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
tequila makes me forget i have legs
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Randomize
