oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
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