I'm lost and stupid without you.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
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