I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
Randomize
