Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
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