all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Randomize
