Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
