Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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