does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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