drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
you will always have a special place in my vag
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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