The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
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