...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
