I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
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