she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
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