what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Randomize
