So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
