I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
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