I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
Randomize
