Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
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