Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
Randomize
