Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
