you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
